By Hadrian Flails Agony Aunt
As the month of August draws to a close, we've received a couple of missives from our readers asking for advice about their problems. This service is open to all our readers - don't be afraid to send your questions in!
"Dear Agony Aunt,
I promised my wife I would cook dinner for every day of the week after the 21st, but now that the 22nd has rolled around, I find myself lacking the energy and enthusiasm necessary to cook for every single night for the rest of the month, as I had promised. What should I do?"
Hi there. Thanks for reaching out to The Wazz. This sounds like a classic case of malingering to me, and were you under my command, I’d have you taken out back and shot for gross dereliction of duty. Ha!
In a relationship, it’s vitally important that you maintain the trust between you and your partner, so if you say you’re going to do something, you should go through with it. Your partner is going to come home tonight and find out that you haven’t cooked the dinner as you promised you would, and she is going to be rather upset.
There’s only one way to re-establish the trust that you’ve violated - invest, invest, invest. If you can make a splash on the stock market with a high-risk, high-reward trade, neither of you will ever have to cook dinner again. You’ll get your own personal poor person to cook it for you, and their rustic culinary flair, honed through years of a hardscrabble life on the poverty line, will have you eating soul food jambalaya rich in flavour every night of the week.
You and your partner can relax and kick your feet up on your own private jet to the Bahamas, and this unfortunate episode will become a mere footnote to your gargantuan success. Remember - fortune favours the bold. Find that hot stock and lock in that trade, right now. Don’t worry about the margins - read between them. That’s why they’re called ‘margins’ in the first place!
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