The Wazz has got you covered.

The Wazz - "We've got you covered".

Welcome to The Daily Wazz, the revolutionary new news outlet you didn’t ask for, but we’re giving you anyway because we are a powerful organisation with lots of money and you are simply an insignificant head of cattle among many, with no collective bargaining power, lands or holdings meaningful enough to challenge us.

Who are we? We are a paper that dedicates ourselves to giving our readers a warm stream of hot news straight from the fingertips of the most qualified experts, analysts, politicos, and other smart people who know things. Prepare yourself for no-holds-barred analysis from the finest minds around the globe, or die in the attempt - it makes no difference to us as long as our shareholders are happy.

At The Wazz, we’re not sensationalists. No, we’re above that. We’re just here to relentlessly re-educate you with a slew of fiery, fact-based opinions that will leave you in a state approaching orgasm. We shall whisper the truth gently in your ear whilst a member of our junior staff gives you personally-tailored compliments and fans you slowly with a sheet of laminated A4, all whilst our excellent news content stimulates your brain into releasing pleasurable chemicals that are yet to be named by human science. 

Today we’re a humble, scrappy web-based blog. Tomorrow? The world. The Wazz will be everywhere, plastered across your screen, forcibly tattooed on your arm, and given broad emergency journalism powers (which we will relinquish upon the restoration of order and peace). No platform is too obscure, no technology too futuristic, no young people too stupid. 

But that's just the start. We’ll be publishing deep and well researched features that’ll definitively  separate the good facts from the bad facts, so that you can ease your existential uncertainty and keep your mind on your labour, like the servile little prole that you are. Yet if your hunger for certainty still remains unsated, our new Helpful Speculation editorials, where we fill in the blanks of every news story by guessing what might have happened if you squint hard enough and ignore the actual details, will soon soothe your troubled conscience. At the Wazz, the democratisation of truth informs everything we do.

And because we care, we're also starting an advice column so that you can send in your personal problems along with your personal information (which is subject to several privacy laws that we can safely ignore, given that our corporate headquarters is officially registered in Botswana).

Can’t pay your mortgage? Feeling conflicted about the entire political system? Wondering if the world’s slowly descending into madness? Don’t worry, just send your issues to The Wazz, and we’ll Wazzify them for your benefit, turning your bleak reality into a spectacle of entertainment for our readers' endless merriment and mirth.

The Daily Wazz. The newspaper that you deserve.

The Daily Wazz is a satirical news outlet. All articles, headlines, and stories featured on this site are entirely fictional, and are intended solely for entertainment purposes. This site may contain language, imagery, or themes that some readers may find offensive. Any references to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental, except in the case where a public figure is being satirised.

All content on The Daily Wazz is © The Wazz, 2025. You are welcome to share or repost articles as long as you credit the blog and a link back to The Daily Wazz, do not alter the content in any way, and do not use it for commercial purposes.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.